And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
