I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
