I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
