I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
