Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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