He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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