it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
