You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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