she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
