look no pants
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
