he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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