babies were throwing up all over the place
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Ketchup is God's man juice
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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