Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I just found a bag of teeth...
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
