I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
His hands were made for my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize