She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
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Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
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Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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