you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
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Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
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I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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