I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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