An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
