i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
