I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
