checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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