im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
