So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
he shaved USA in his pubs
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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