all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
