piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
