I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Man, jail baloney is awful.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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