Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
