Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
