Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Randomize
