be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
