I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
