respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
