how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
