how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
