mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize