I like my sex mixed with concussions.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
