i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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