when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
