We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
