Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
