last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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