THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
