If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
They have beer where we have blood.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
