it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
