fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
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