I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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