Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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