Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize