I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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