why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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