WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
