Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
