I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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