Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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