covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
