you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Never joke about your clitoris.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
