Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
