i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
