So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
