it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
