just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
