my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
im about as happy as oj after his trial
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
