I wish I could punch you in the face.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
