I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Just invented taco cereal.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
