My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
