OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
