I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
