Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
