So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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