If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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