So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
