Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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