just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Randomize
