We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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