Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
