I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Randomize
