4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
